Check Out My Other Pages People

I have collected a bunch of poetic inspirations for a new KJ's Finds...

Check It Out Here!!

And I am still waiting to hear about what brings Joy to your Day. Don't tell me that you are all UN-joy-Filled?

Answer My Konkin Question With Glee!!

Coming Soon:

A New Vlog. I was thinking Podcast, but I think it'll be a vlog.

Until then, you can take a peek at my very own First Dance. Pretty romantic, if I do say so myself...

Watch It Here!!

Screw You, Harper

My buddy Thom made this video with some friends upon hearing what Mr. Harper had to say about the arts in Canada:

Click here to see the video!

Glad to see artists speaking out about the ridiculous beige people trying to take over the world.

I say, put Harper in a closet with Palin and McCain, give 'em the Financial Post and some plastic covered furniture and leave 'em there until they bore themselves to death.

Sheesh.

That Thing Called Voting

The last three days I have been away from my MacBook and it has been part heaven part hell.

The heaven part has been the incredible accommodation that Leon and I have manifested in Regina for what will be a very Regina heavy few months. My cousin Leanne has a new house in the heart of the coolest district in the Queen City and in that house is a clean, big, beautiful guest room that she and her partner have opened to us graciously. The bed is far more comfortable than our own reminding us that we must must MUST find a new queen sized mattress and stop trying to squeeze ourselves onto our awful double.

The hell part has been the lack of my MacBook. Addiction is not to strong a word when I think of how at odds I have felt without this little white box at my side. It is a love affair that goes unrivaled. I am glad that this machine doesn't have the sexy forearms that my husband does or I would have to put up an infidelity post pronto.

But this isn't what I wanted to blog about tonight. I wanted to blog about a shameful truth that I have had to come to terms with recently. It is most likely a similar sin to that of many fellow Canadians and it is this: I have been so swept up in the drama of the US election that I have completely forgotten about ours. By ours I mean the Canadian federal election that will happen on (stops to check her voters card that lays guiltily beside her beloved Mac) Oct. 14th. Not even an hour ago the NDP candidate in my riding rang my doorbell and I had to shamefacedly admit that I didn't know enough about any of the options to have an opinion. "Do you have any concerns?" they asked me and I wanted to throw my arms around them and weep "YES! What if the US elects McCain and Palin??!!!!!" Brutal.

Luckily, I thought fast and said the one thing that I knew mattered to me - arts funding. Having just heard Harper call artists a bunch of 'government funded whiners" it was a topic at the top of my list. But really, my poor old NDP candidate...you could tell he had never knocked on a Moose Jaw door and had two professional actors answer. He didn't quite know what to say except that he saw River Street and weren't we good! Ah, sir, we told him when he asked us to put a sign on our lawn, we would love to, but it would be negligent of us to do so when we have absolutely no clue about what any of the parties, including your own, feel about anything. There we were, an old, friendly, prairie politician who wished we would've asked about the proposed multiplex and two verbose actors using words like negligent. It wasn't a pretty sight.

So, who do I vote for? Obama. Here in my own country? I dunno. The one who reminds me the most of Obama, I guess...but with a bunch of old, white guys to choose from I am not sure how intelligent a strategy that is going to be. Me thinks someone is needing to do some research.

As long as someone like Palin doesn't come anywhere near my country.

Too bad my MacBook wasn't running for office. Now THERE'S a vote I could feel sure of...

Distracted

Something I am learning with Leon gone out of town and the house filled with only myself and silence. My marriage, although an infinite source of joy in my life, is also a distraction.

Rewind to me in 2005. Lost, confused and without true direction. Then Jordan leaves and I am without the one thing I had to identify with - us. This loss doesn't make me any clearer about what it is I want to do, but it does wake me up enough that I start to find myself again. So, I take what has possibly been the closest thing to my dream job with Ptarmigan and then I find myself on stage again and living out of suitcases. This whole time I am still asking the question What Do I Want? It was my sole focus, figuring this out for myself. Then I met Leon.

Falling in love as completely and instantly as we did can be an adrenaline ride. Not only had I found the man I knew I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, but I had a built in best friend, someone I could easily spend 24/7 with without getting bored. And so I did. And so I have. What do I want was replaced with what do we want, which I think is warranted to a point when trying to build a life together.

But no matter how married up you get yourself, no matter how many kids you pop out, no matter how many distractions you find to fill your life, the quiet moments will come and along with them the inevitable question. What do I want? What would I pursue if there was husband and I had no fear? What am I passionate about? What kind of job can I do that will make me happy and wealthy?

Now that I am alone in the house, I am reminded of those questions. I was even reminded of those questions when I watched The Womenwith Mom last night. So, what is the answer? Interestingly, the book I am currently reading gave some surprising advice. The only job you have, it told me, is to see your 'career' as one of creating a life of joyful experience. Not to worry about money (as the worry about money only produces more lack of money) or HOW this is going to pay your bills or any of the logistics. Just figure out what, to you, is a joyful experience and then make that your sole goal on a daily basis.

So, I guess this will be my more accurate question that I will mull over in the quiet serenity of my sweet home. Not just what do I want, but what are my joyful experiences?

What are yours?

Stationary Satisfaction

Hmmm, you know I am not sure that my gypsy ways are really gypsy ways or a symptom of something wounded in me. I have been home for three full days and it has been wonderful to be back. But in less than a week I feel like I ready to go somewhere else. This is, I am sure, fueled by the fact that I am currently jobless/projectless and my husband is far, far away on tour (Boo!). Still, I was certain in Vancouver while I slept on countless foamies that I was going to embrace the month at home without a job or a hubby to get in the way of complete and utter ME time.

But here I am daydreaming of taking off. This morning's daydream is of owning a motorhome (I know, how 65+ of me!) and doing a huge US road trip with Leon. I would go and see as many states as I could jam in and all the fun KJ-esque attractions along the way - spiritual centres, the grand canyon, mardi gras, the set of OTH, cool artsy cities like Ashville and Austin, broadway, ivy league universities, new though education centres in Iowa. I am a nut job, but I love me! Really, I could be kept perfectly happy never working and just roaming the countryside. I say that now, but then I probably wouldn't be perfectly happy because I would be busy half the time dreaming of being back in a nest with my own bed and space and not one suitcase. Suppose that is why I dream of a motorhome...best of both worlds.

Ah, will I not ever be satisfied?

This feeling has to emerge most strongly on the day I have my first big Mortlach meeting. In Vancouver, Mortlach started to seem like an adventure. I mean, how many other opportunities would I get to live a full year in the heart of a rural village and make a ton of money? Now that I am back and it is more real, less concept, I worry that if I am antsy after THREE days, I may never make it a whole year in a village of 200 people. You see the dilemma? Ah, I shouldn't worry too much about that which is in the future and doesn't even exist. Today I will do my InDesign training, stain some new mirrors for the front entrance, find about Yoga classes, book a chiropractic appointment and have the darn meeting.

I will let my ichy, anxious feet bask in the yellow sun and let it all unfold as it will.

And maybe find out how much a motorhome would cost.

Home For A Rest

Finally, I am home. Tonight I will sleep in my bed and there won't be cat hair anywhere near it. In fact, the house was so clean when we opened up the door that it looked like humans have never even lived here. More likely, the cleaning fairy (aka my mom) has been buff and polishing it while we've been gone. Still, the cleanliness, the order, the pretty little white lights in my trees, my crisp, clean sheets, my puffy towels, my total lack of clutter, my new floors, my favorite things all lined up to greet me home. I am overjoyed to be back.

Things I intend to do as I start into this new fall chapter of 2008...

1. Lose the extra weight I gained during this BC trip
2. Start in on my InDesign training manual
3. Begin taking an SOM class
4. Try out some new and different forms of exercise
5. Hang out with the new and cool friends I made this summer
6. Look for the perfect car to exchange with my Altima
7. Renovate our bathroom
8. Nail down some great grants/contracts
9. Get new headshot
10. Organize some kick ass plans/gifts for Leon's upcoming birthday
11. Make an album of my third and final wedding bash in BC

Not to mention all the other wonderful things that September brings...like One Tree Hill back on the air! Or a different kind of wardrobe or the need to bake apple crisp. I am reading the new Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction book on money and I am excited to start manifesting lots of moolah to play and roll around in. Something tells me that this Mortlach adventure will prove to be prosperous.

BC was awesome and I am so glad that I went. Yes, I see myself living there, especially on the Island, someday soon. Being around my girls was too wonderful and looking at real estate in Nanaimo really made me realize how completely our RE dreams are coming true. But I choose to live in the Now and enjoy all that MJ has to offer...things that I didn't really see clearly until I left them last month. I love my house and the support of family around and my new friends and the burgeoning opportunities that blossom here. I appreciate being able to park close to everything and never being stuck in traffic. I intend to embrace the dry heat, the big skies and the simplicity that living in a small, rural city brings.

Now, I am heading off to bed...my bed. I leave you with a pic of my Girlz...a most beautiful and talented crowd of women and the main reason that I was sad to leave Vancouver yesterday...

The Book Of Love

I don't think I could be more married now if I tried!!!!!

This Saturday proved to be the third and final installment of the Leon and Krista wedding ceremonies. Like the first two, the weather was perfect, everyone was in the best mood and the day ended up being fun, casual, romantic and memorable. I was floored by how full my heart was the whole day.

I love my husband. My favorite part of the whole day with us was after everyone had gone home. We took a long walk, held hands and processed all the blessings that we had just experienced. It was us at our best - alone and talking and so so so grateful.

I love my friends. To have all my girlz with me, in the same room, looking so beautiful...I was filled with pride! Everyone kept commenting on how talented and gorgeous my girlz were and I saw them again through new eyes. We have all grown up so much and yet there is still so much goofy youth in all of us. I wish somehow I could stick them in my pocket so that I could have them whenever I want them. As I leave for Saskatchewan again, the others also separate and go off as gypsy artists do. But in my heart I dream of living with them on an island, each of us partnered or not, raising babies or maybe just creating music and theatre and love. I am a selfish friend. I wish I could have yesterday be a norm and not an occasion.

I love my family. To have Mom and Sean make the effort to come all the way out to meet the Willeys and share this with me meant the world. My brother was so easily part of my gang of friends and my mother such a joyful energy amongst the other ladies. Alex was Alex, I expected nothing less, and I thought more than once how much Emma would have enjoyed the day. It was also amazing to meet my new family, see them interact and figure out which ones I immediately liked. The highlight was when Grandpa Jack played and sang to L and I, the song that he sang for his wife on their 60th wedding anniversary. Talk about inspiring.

I loved our gifts! There will be thank you cards that will be filled with such gratitude, but I may as well say it now while I blog. Our gifts baffled us. People were so generous that I was afraid to ever attend a wedding in the future because I might have to re-mortgage our home just to measure up to the extravagance! Perhaps we had low expectations or maybe the truth is we were attracting the abundance, but whatever it was, Leon and I were baffled. We walk away from this party richer in our hearts and in our pockets. Our cup runneth over...

God, I am blessed. I am a lucky lucky woman. I have so much and yet a lifetime of more wonderfulness lays ahead. There are no words. I am emotional and exhausted and happy. Thank you All.

Thank you so much!

Ahhhhhh, The In-Laws

Tonight I listened to Duane O'Kane speak and was transported to the good ol' days. He spoke about relationships and I am smitten with my current situation. Oh, how smug I was! Look at my relationship, I thought, as I beamed at my husband who listened with intent to Duane speak. I have conquered this relationship stuff! I am the QUEEN OF RELATIONSHIP STUFF!!!!

And then I came home to a room of in-laws. And I saw. I am not the queen. Maybe I have figured out some things about my romantic relationship, but regarding family, ESPECIALLY THAT FAMILY WHICH I FEEL I NEVER REALLY SIGNED UP FOR, I have a long way to go.

So, Duane spoke about anxiety and the ways we act out/in to escape feeling/addressing the anxiety. Right now, I am doing many of them. My MacBook is something I do to escape the anxiety. Blog. Eat (I have just eaten a bunch of ham that, at 11 o'clock at night, I really didn't need to eat). Sarcasm. Leaving (which I hope to do after I am done of my MacBook). Aggggggghhhhh. I can't deal with it. And, of course, I can, but it doesn't feel like I can. How do I speak honestly with these people who I hardly know? How do I establish honest and vulnerable connection with people that are so invested in keeping everything stuffed down AND that I hardly know? How do I do all this with a family that is actually my husband's without having my husband on board?

I do wonder, though, if my not dealing with certain things is the cause of my rash?

Shitty balls. I am ready to come home. Saturday will be - fun - and interesting. I look forward to having all my friends in one place, but I worry about Leon who is stressed about having a bunch of feuding family all together for, in some cases, the first time ever. For his sake, I anticipate the peace of post-party and am now excited to be back in my own bed. When I arrive home it will be strange to be alone in the house. Leon leaves on the 15th for the SCES tour. Yet, I look forward to it all. Maybe starting an SOM class? Diving into my InDesign software lessons. Meeting and prepping for all the Mortlach grants. It'll be good. And my baby will be back on the weekends, so it may just be the best of both worlds.

I will let these thoughts calm my itch.

And I will forgive myself for eating that ham.