Colmar

You can lose alot of things, traveling about like this. Somehow I was able to lose a day.

I could have sworn that today was the 30th and Lee and I had another entire day in Colmar, France before flying to Scotland, but it seems that I have officially lost my grip. It is the 31st today and my last day in France.

Let me tell you about Colmar. Picture gingerbread houses all stacked up beside one another with fronts so flat that you would swear they were set pieces from a local stage show. It is glaringly obvious that this little city is stuck between Germany and Paris and Venice and I enjoy this schitzophrenic charm. But that hasn't been the highlight really of Colmar. The highlights have been things much more simple.

Like heat in our suite. Like tons of hot water. Like a kitchen at our disposal. Like free internet. That is right. Free internet. Now, I know those of you who judge me for going to North American movies while in France are going to have a field day with this one. But being able to book the next leg of our journey without bundling up, speed typing and selling one's fertile eggs to pay for the 15 minutes of world wide web love has been a joy. A true blessing. And Leanne has been able to boil eggs which makes my cousin happy. And I like a happy cousin.

Not that we didn't try to experience Colmar's tourist delights. We went to the tourist centre to find that every single tour operator was on holidays. I was even thinking of going on a dog sledding excursion, but in broken English the woman behind the desk informed me 'no enough snow'. AND before I lost the day mentioned above, we were set to train our asses into Germany's Black Forest village of Titisee Neudstat on Titisee Lake for some true European wilderness. But none of it has happened and so we fly to Scotland tomorrow just glad that we were able to boil our own soup and content with having heard a French accordion player serenading the streets of Colmar this morning.

The real news is this: we have changed our flights and our coming home early. JoJo has not appeared to sweep us south into his Moroccan villa and so our bank accounts dictate that we end this madness a couple of weeks early. In some ways this makes me feel like I have failed this trip and in some ways I look forward to the chance to collect myself (and some Jax kisses and hugs) before relocating once again to Chemainus. It all happens for perfect reasons I remind myself.

So, tomorrow Scotland. Kilts and bagpipes and The Battle of Killiecrankie. And those accents. Ah, the accents.

That and a wee dram.

Whatever that is.

Paris

I had two days in Paris. After day one I decided I hated it. After day two I decided that it was, as a matter of fact, quite lovely. On day three, far away from it nestled in wonderful Strasbourg, France en route to Colmar, France I am not sure what to say...

Day one was possibly minus 30 with the wind chill and we checked into a hotel that did not have heat. And when I say it did not have heat I mean that if you were anywhere outside the hot water in the bathtub you needed to keep your touque and gloves on. Then we attempted the Louvre which meant dealing with another totally confusing metro line and arctic conditions. I saw the Mona Lisa and stood there and wondered...what the hell is the big deal about this painting? In fact, my favorite part of the Louvre was a ridiculously funny comment Leanne made about the excessive slaying and reaching and 'head-off' in all the art. I laughed until I almost wet myself. The happiness ended when we walked outside.

After about a block and a half we were frozen and miserable and jumped on a bus without caring where it took us. We got thoroughly lost and then went home to our god awful cold hotel. Leanne took a hot bath and I talked to Jax on the phone under 45 blankets and that night we hit a French Safeway and did what good ol' grumpy Saskatchewan women do when they are hating life...we ate. The bed picnic was the hightlight of the day.

The next day was less cold and I was determined to make a better go at it. There was an attempt to shop for new boots for me (my original boots from Value Village have long since bitten the dust...maybe what they meant when they said take quality footwear to Europe...oops) and the Musee D'orcy which was much less 'head-off'...we started to conquer the metro (well, maybe not CONQUER) and took a much needed walk up Les Champs-Elysees stopping to cartwheel in front of the Arc de Triomphe. Then we hit a North American movie which was delightful and finished off the night by going to the Eifel Tower and observing a man propose at the very top. Not to us, of course, but it was lovely to see none the less. Yes, yesterday was much more impressive even if I can't necessarily say that I will miss it.

Our next leg was decided on yesterday all thanks to Rick Steves (thank you Sean for that Guide Book Christmas gift...it is saving our asses). We have chosen to experience the Alsace Region on the boarder of Germany which will give us the feeling of Germany as well as France and get us once more into a more sleepy, rural setting. We have booked a B and B owned by vineyard owners that looks idyllic. Tonight we have also been lucky, stumbling upon the Disneyland of Hostels...clean, bright, fun and even affordable. Even my internet time is less expensive. We give thumbs up to Strasbourg and cross our fingers for Colmar.

As much as I will never forget this trip for as long as I live, I said to an exhausted Leanne today on the train ... you don't call this a vacation, you call this an adventure ... and you make sure to give yourself about two weeks(and maybe even a good therapist) to recover upon your return.

Jax, start my bath.

Orvieto

Here is an excerpt from an email I just sent to Jax's mom, Maggie about Orvieto...

I write this as the cathedral bells chime to signify the close of mass on a mild sunday afternoon in the sleepy Umbrian town of Orvieto, Italy. It is idyllic here...too hearty to be only quaint...the streets filled with families. The two year olds toddle between the ninty year olds with canes, everyone talking over each other in Italian. My casement window stands about seven feet tall and swings open onto a cobbled lane and the smell of wood smoke. This place slows me down and makes me ache for things I did not know I wanted. I like it here.

We were supposed to end up in Cortona, but our hostel got booked up and the winds of fate took us here instead. Life's greatest gems occur when the life you planned to have is thrown a wrench. We ended up choosing Orvieto for no apparant reason. When we arrived here by train we couldn't even find it...until we looked straight up into the sky and, like a heaven, there is sat, perched atop a hill and some perfect clouds.

Last night, getting choked up, Lee and I admitted that Italy - especially Tuscany/Umbria - has exceeded our wildest dreams. If only I could capture the sweet smell in the air here and bring it back in a bottle! To rent a room overtop a jazz joint and to see communities hang out in the middle of laneways with their children after having just attended the theatre...it is like we are writing a movie plot, but better. I love it here and will be sad to leave.

Today we are heading to a little tiny town of 30 people by bus called Civita Di Bagnoregio for a small tour and walk and tomorrow will most likely explore the caves that exist under Orvieto. But really, it is the writing letters and living life so slowly and reading and napping here that has put me in this state of blissful splendor.

I wonder if I will like France half as much?? We go to Paris on Wednesday and will climb the Eiffel Tower. We are also hoping JoJo -- the friend of Lee's that is supposed to take care of us for most of February --- shows up. If not, we will become creative with our itinery and our bank accounts.

Being away from Jax after barely having got ahold of him is taking its toll. Orvieto has played havoc with my heart --- so freshly healed --- and makes me want to, all at once, run home and run away. It is when I get quiet that I still feel the anger toward Jordan bubbling up every now and then and I realize that a wound unhealed with follow you to the ends of the earth. Someone loving you but not choosing you still hurts, even in Italy. Falling in love with someone new is still a big leap, even when you stand on top of the Eiffel Tower.

Ah, I said this trip would be life altering and I was correct.

And I can't imagine ever leaving.

And I can't wait to come home.

Venice

First things first, the internet costs about one billion Euro a minute, so this is gonna be short.
Venice was ridiculous. Stunning. Mesmerizing. Surreal. There are not enough words.
Tonight I am in Florence where Lee and I are less entranced by...will see The David tomorrow and some art, but plan to get the heck outta here and get ourselves into the bowels of Tuscany...probably Cortona where a cheap hostel awaits us. Rent a car maybe...

It is hard to sum it all up with a time constraint. The pic on the right was our budget hotel ... adorable. Two scoops of gelato costs about $18 CAD and our hotel tonight is a modest choice at $180 CAD. This has us in a money panic and have decided to just have fun and rebook our ticket back home if and when we reach about $5000-$6000. At this rate, that might not take much, but I am hoping that some miracles will take place.
And there was hot water tonight in our shower, which in Venice I was not so lucky to experience. Most people speak a little English so we are doing fine language wise.
What else? God, I am writing this will absolutely no panache what so ever....um, our backpacks are SO FREAKING HEAVY, we can not seem to find our hotels very easily once getting off trains and planes and the architecture here is beyond anything I could have imagined. Oh, and here in Florence, the biggest positive yet, the computer I am on is a Mini Mac which means I am able to present you a few pictures. Pictures worth much since the digital camera broke the other day and a new German one was purchased for about 900 zillion Euro. So enjoy them...and this post as it might there will be very few of these if the internet continues to be primarily for royalty.
So much to say, so little time. Italy is romance. Tuscany will hopefully be romance with fewer people. And then after that, Paris. Oh yes...

life is hard.

England

You should have seen me the past half of an hour...Trying every imaginable method I could conjure up to get our freaking pictures OFF of Leanne's camera and onto one of these computers so that I could include some more pics of the last two days. But it ain't gonna happen, folks. It is either British computers, these specific computers or just my bad luck, but the pictures are trapped and I...

I miss my MacBook.

With this reality, I shall try to paint you a picture with words. Yesterday John picked us up in the morning and we set out for a day trip in the rain. Where would you like to go, he asked. We don't care, we replied, as long as we see castles and sheep. Oh, and castles and sheep did we see!! All the while listening to John's diverse music, me holding his blessed iPod and playing passenger DJ (on the wrong side of the car). The weather was horrible which meant that we had the castle all to ourselves, all other tourists much smarter than we were and staying inside. But we wandered medieval tunnels and walked through god awful war museums and Leanne made love to a cannon (wait til you see the picture!). The three of us walked arm in arm calling each other Lady K, Sir John and Duchess Leann-ah with precious British accents. It was great fun.

Then we drove to Dover and looked at the white cliffs and ate some more fried food. I must say it is virtually impossible to find healthy cuisine here which could be attributing to my constant gut ache. Attempted to hunt down some banafee pie, came up short and then demanded to peruse some quaint villages. Sir John obliged and with me at the map and Leanne trying to get some sleep in the back (she hasn't slept hardly at all since we got here dear soul) we set off into the countryside. We pointed and oooohed and ahhhhhed at the thatched roofs and stone cottages. We stopped to take pictures of little English pubs that looked like they should be on movie sets. But then...we got off on a little back road and came across some pigs.

I rolled down my window and whistled and the pigs came running toward us. Leanne squealed and leapt from the car, cooing and talking to each of them. We even attracted a beautiful horse to the fence. We scratched the pigs behind the ears, fed them all grass and tried to ignore the gale force winds that whipped us to and fro. It was a memorable moment, quite perfect in fact, totally free and totally invaluable.

Arriving home, we fell into bed, exhausted. After of course bumping into more metal bunk beds in the dark and finally giving up on trying to pretend that I could be quiet enough. Our room was packed for the first time...with two French women, an Italian and an American. In fact, before bed we bonded with a drunk Irish man, a bloke with a cockney accent, Jan from Holland and Wayne from France. It was an international buffet of yumminess.

This morning we arose early again and got our butts on a tour bus that took us to Stonehenge and Bath. Stonehenge was cool if only because I was finally standing in front of something I had only seen in pictures. Even wierder was that it stands in what looks like, to me, the farmlands of Ontario. Go figure. Oh, but Bath. Bath was breathtaking. Like rolling Italy, Greece, France and England all into one. Lee squealed once again about the hot spring Roman baths (pigs and baths are on her top 5 list of things that are good about life) and I was placated by all the tiny lane ways filled with adorable shops filled with pastries and cafes and people dressed infinitely well. The views are unbeatable. The architecture is grandiose. A favorite moment came when we peeked inside a grand cathedral and the choir was rehearsing. I sat in a back pew and shut my eyes and thanked Spirit for my many blessings.

Really, I am a very lucky little girl.

Tonight we have done nothing. We can hardly move and tomorrow morning have to get up early to go to our #1 destination --- VENICE, ITALY. Hmmmmmmmmm. I am allowing myself to just putter about our hostel (which now feels like home) and wallow in emails from the man to whom I am afraid to give a label. He sent me an excerpt from an email his mother sent who seems to have already decided to like me. Funny to want to meet and thank and hug a woman I hardly know - mother of a man I have just met. In fact, tonight he has said things to me that are life changing and I am here, in Europe, a million miles away, wondering how all of this has happened so fast, so spectacularly.

If only I could attach pictures. If only I could be brave enough to say how I truly feel. If only there was a way to fully share this with all of you. Ah, well, we'll just have to go on faith.

Next time I write I will have fulfilled a childhood fantasy and kissed the mouth of Venice.

With tongue.

London

Okay, let's consider this power-blogging. With internet being this expensive and my time ticking down, I am going to sum up the last couple of days with a few pics (hopefully) and some point form story telling...

-my flight was five hours late. which meant leanne and my friend john met without me present, became the best of friends, hung out for a whole day in london before I even arrived.
-once on the plane, the flight was perfect. thank god.
-our hostel is great. very quiet being the middle of january. leanne isn't sleeping well but I am sleeping like a baby and have a warm spot for our front desk guy Will who is being exceptionally kind to us.
-saw Wicked last night and starting weeping at the first act finale. It was beyond words...especially the understudy playing Elpheba. I wanted to bear her children. Worth the 20 pound ticket...
-looked up at the London Eye, walked past Buckingham Palace, tried to mount some statues much to John's distress and had chips and gravy in the midst of tons of second hand smoke at a pub called The SHerlock Holmes.

-stared at the Thames and listend to Big Ben chime.
-got to see real Monet's and Van Gogh's and Renoir's at the National Art Museum. For free. Wild and squishy and wonderful.
-was attacked by pigeons. leanne liked it, I did not.
-marvelled at Trafalgar Square and all the flashy lights. Squealed with delight at the double decker buses. Almost got killed several times by the crazy drivers - again, much to John's distress.
-decided that John Weeks is an angel. he has taken care of every single inch of our trip, protecting us, guiding us, driving us, advising us. The minute we feel panicked we think 'john will make this better' and then he does. WE LOVE THE JOHN and are not sure how we will do without him in Italy.
-cancelled going to oxford tonight due to John having to stay at work late, leanne's lack of sleep and complications with her friends on the other end. instead, we are taking a day trip tomorrow out of town to see the less-like-london England...maybe even Stonehenge. Fly to Italy on Monday.
-Miss my MacBook like crazy. Miss Jax like crazy. Miss being able to go to bed with lights on...smashing into metal bunk beds with a 50 pound backpack in the pitch dark is not much fun.

-spent today in London's shopping district and was blown away at how much cooler these people are than us...the fashion is eons ahead of ours and the shops just get better and better and better. it was like dying and going to a piece of heaven.
-the weather: cold and windy and rainy. AKA very much like Vancouver. All of our cute clothes we have packed mean nothing to us. we wake up, shiver and put on simply the warmest stuff we have and don't care how huge and strange we feel.
-my backpack is sooooooooooooooo heavy.

-it feels like I am losing something every three minutes due to the fact that everything is in a different pocket or pack or pack pocket or some such thing. it is driving me crazy.
-i walked into an Apple store today the size of Moose Jaw. MacBooks as far as the eye could see, on people's laps, free to use for the public, big screens, small screens, iPod bars, media centres...it was orgasmic. it was hard to leave. did i mention i miss my MacBook??
-the toliets flush by yanking on a chain the swings up over your head. wierd. the keyboards have different placement for certain keys, decreasing my typing speed and the taxis are black. plus, everything here is really little. tiny. it is like living in a doll house.
-seems my body has decided to stop going to the bathroom. even though I am consuming much food and drink, I am not GOING...to the bathroom. maybe i am scared by the swinging chains??
-wearing a tank top, a tshirt, a money belt, a sweater, a vest and a jacket is making me feel like I weigh 400 pounds and giving me a complex. Ah, and the souls of my boots both cracked the first day I was here which means that the water seeps right up into my boots and soaks my feet. Had to buy new boots today. I can just hear my mother saying I TOLD YOU SO.
-strange to wake up in the morning and go downstairs and make breakfast in my pj's beside five men from Sweden, Germany, New Zealand and Wales. It is very intimate and creepy.

So, there it is...little bits at least. There are so many pictures to make photo galleries from when I get home, but can only and barely manage to unzip a few files from John, download them onto public desktops and attach them to blogs for the right now. I will keep attempting to work miracles to keep you updated...

For now, know that we are safe and exhausted and are definitely having a memorable time already. Go answer my Konkin Question and amuse me with better answers than the wierd one the first guy left...and send me your love energy. Will update you later this weekend with some news from other parts of England.

Until then I shall avoid Marmite and miss you all muchly.

Ciao

Europe...Here I Come!!! Double Click on the Vlog below to hear my farewell to y'all...



Can't see the vlog?? You will need Quicktime to view this...if you need to download it for free, please click here for Windows users and click here for Mac users.

Faith

My friend Sonia has the grace and stength of a giselle. She spent over ten years in love with the same man and then found out, after marrying him, that he did not have the capacity for loving her back with grace or strength. She, like so many of the women I know, spent all of her precious soul energy trying to make the marriage work, trying to recapture the magic that had kept her spellbound for so many years. Finally, she stopped trying to push a steam uphill and allowed this man who was her husband to go his own way alone. She cleaned out her proverbial house and made room for new good.

I am sure she was scared and I am sure she was angry, but she was always tenacious and refused to stop believing in miracles. Maybe that is why I wasn't so surprised that within a year of her marriage ending she has found her soul mate, purchased a house with him, was planning her second wedding and expecting her first child. All the abundance she had always so rightfully deserved was flooding over her after years of drought. I have been silently inspired by Sonia over the last while. She has proven to me that it really is when life seems to be 'over' that often it is just beginning.

Today Sonia emailed her closest friends and family to announce that her and her new partner lost their daughter Meadow Frances on Dec. 29th, soon after Meadow was born into this world. This email came after an early afternoon spent contemplating faith in my own life. Being at CSL again this morning, with Jax by my side, I couldn't help but hover outside of the entire experience and wonder 'how did I get here and where I am going?' It was one of those moods I get into where I am suddenly very aware that something much bigger than myself is unfolding and It puts me into a state of awe. It doesn't necessarily make me happy and it doesn't necessarily make me sad or afraid - just stuns me into a type of silence. Getting Sonia's email has pushed me even deeper into this state of asking 'why? what is the lesson? what is the loving purpose behind something like this?' My heart aches for Sonia, but knows that relationships aren't deemed successful by their length, but by how deeply they rattle your core, push your limits and cause you grow. For those of you who believe that your energetic thoughts can heal, send my friend in Ontario some invisible love so that we might hold faith for her at a time when faith is hard to come by.

Today I have faith in: my independence, perfect timing, the safety of airplanes, getting to where I need to go with ease, fun mattering, the money showing up, fitting what I will need into my backpack, my subletters taking care of my home, to-do lists being completed, my ability to attract men with integrity, sleep's healing power, love above all and, of course, french fries.

With gravy on the side and a whole lotta ketchup.

Audacity

"Make no mistake: Writing is an aggressive act because you aren't leaving well enough alone."

It makes me laugh sometimes, the things people say to me about my website and, most specifically, this blog. I am constantly questioned as to why I continue to Live Out Loud and share my personal life with a world of strangers. It is all based on beliefs, I suppose. Beliefs like: secrets make things sacred, privacy is priority, saying that good things are happening to you will jinx them, there are cetain things that are best left unsaid, the boat should not be rocked and if you aren't careful you won't be able to leave well enough alone. I am not saying that people are wrong for believing any of these things, nor am I saying that I am wrong for believing that most of that list is rubbish. Beliefs are beliefs. I personally feel pulled to say out loud much of what I KNOW everyone is thinking quietly in their little heads. I would like to live my life, when brave enough, acknowledging the pink elephants in the room. I offer my personal feelings and experiences up to the world so that one person might feel less shame or isolation. I'm learning to do this while practicing the gentle art of keeping the privacy of others in tact, which isn't always easy. I fall in love, I talk about the fears and dreams that go along with that complex human journey. I fall out of love, I speak about the confusion and pain that accompanies such a change. I lose myself, I find myself and I attempt to be emotionally transparent because, I believe, that is why we are all here in the first place.

In light of this soap box sing along, I have stolen time away from my hectic pre-europe schedule to work on my site. A new PHOTO GALLERY, a new KONKIN POEM, a new list of FINDS and, since you all seemed to hate my Intentions for 2007 Konkin Question, a new KONKIN QUESTION on a topic that I am sure you will find much more stimulating. I have even updated my quotes which you will, as always, find scattered throughout the site on the sidebar.

Tomorrow I am being taken for the first ski lesson I have ever had...since I refuse to count what happened to me when I was nine years old as a lesson. It was more of a 'being viciously shoved down a mountain by my unsympathetic aunts while I screamed bloody murder and toppled head over heel to the bottom' kind of experience. I pray that tomorrow will change my mind about the ever popular activity known as downhill skiing.

Not that you need to worry, because I will be sure to tell you all about it.

Ah heck, well enough is sick of hanging out all alone all the time anyway.

Got

I got the role.

I had this intense, amazing evening with Jax on Tuesday, slept for six hours, arose to hurricane-like weather conditions and drove with tired eyes to the ferry terminal - all the while rehearsing the scene in my head. On the way there I discovered that I was getting a cold sore and my period and had to kick off my high heels, sit cross legged in the drivers seat and meditate just to keep from the overwhelm drowning me. I went deep insdie, talked to the universe and asked for help. When I drove off the ferry the clouds had parted and a rainbow appeared. No, I am not kidding. I drove into Chemainus with the window down and the smell of wet trees filling my car and my hair and I knew that It was going to be okay.

And it was. The audition was brilliant and every person in the company kinder than the person before. Jeremey offered me the role on the spot and within half an hour I had signed my contract and had all my measurements taken for costumes. I am moving to Chemainus on the 11th of March, the day after I get home from Europe. I will be there for six months and when I am done I will leave for Saskatchewan on the 20th of September to embark on an eight week Artist's Workshop Tour in Saskatchewan. I am beside myself with joy and gratitude and excitement and, of course, fear. Oh, to be a water-off-a-duck's-back kind of person. Fear seems to accompany everywhere I go, as does overwhelm. Seems I feel things right to the very core of my being and they are saturated and they are intense. It is my achilles heel and my greatest gift.

Last night I saw Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. It was so a Konkin-esque movie. A thumbs up from me. What I remember is when the character Chris wondered if the statement 'pursuit of happyness' was consciously chosen in that happiness is a forever elusive animal, always pursued, but never caught. Today I feel like I have caught it and it definitely feels like it is spelled with a Y.

Chris also quoted Jefferson as saying that the English are the 'disturbers of our harmony'. That was well deserving of an elbow poke to the ribs of poor Jax. Oh, and disturb my harmony he has...in the best possible way...

I've got rhythm.
I've got music.
I've got my man.

Who could ask for anything more?

Contentment

Happy New Year.

I made it through 2006. There were nights and mornings and moments in between I did not think I would. But I did. And the thing is there have been aspects of 2006 that were life changingly GOOD as well as life changingly SUCK ASS. So, as I have said before, and you will forgive my redundancy, it has been a Six Flags roller coaster ride.

I am hoping that 2007 will be more of a smooth, merry-go-round type of year. In fact, I intend it.

And finally, I would like to officially introduce you to someone. Ladies and Gentleman, put your hands together for: Jax Matthew Atkinson....

This has been one of the fabulous teeterings that I have alluded to in a few past blog posts. Jax. We met in the stars and have been seperated by Regina until this weekend. I needed to have this New Year's Eve weekend to confirm that I hadn't dreamed him up before letting you all in on it. And this weekend was magical. Perfect really. Singing last night on Pender was so mcuh fun. I love Pender. And having Someone To Watch Over Me was a blissful bonus. His presence in my heart is overwhelming at points and, of course, in true Konkin fashion, our connection is going at quite the clip which can make me clutch the sides of my roller coaster cart and scream OHGODIAMGOINGTODIE! But he is sweet and patient and kind and, being that he is a writer, he has a very seducing way with words. Also, because he has just moved here from England, he is charming and witty and makes me laugh. And, because he isn't 24, he wants the same things I want and is not afraid at all of going after them. We already putter about the apartment brushing our teeth and laughing like we have been together for years. It is surreal and wonderful and scary. Scary because It has the potential to be Big. And my heart is pretty newly mended together. So, I will try to go somewhat slowly and give myself and my heart all the room we need to swell and writhe and ache and overflow.

Which may prove simpler than one would think because in a week I leave for Europe. And on Wednesday I meet with Jeremey at Chemainus and find out if I will be living in Chemainus for six months after I return from Europe. Then there is the Artist's Tour in the fall. Potentially I may be out of this city and this apartment for all of 2007. If that isn't a way to slow things down with a guy then I don't know what is. If I don't get Chemainus then I will be back in Vancouver looking for work and able to spend more time getting to know Mr. Atkinson. Sort of good which ever way you swing it.

That is my ultimate goal - merry-go-round contentment no matter what. Boy or no boy. Role or no role. Debt or no debt. Europe or bust. I am ready to be consistently at peace and absolutely content with whatever shows up.

I am ready for 2007.

I just need to take a quick nap first.