Excuse me, Bartender

Here is a check in for all 'yall to do at home, in this moment, as you read this...ask yourself...

Am I easily offended?

By offended I mean are you the kind of person who is easy to piss off? Does it seem like more often than not you feel someone or something is screwing you over? Does the world stress you out easily? Can you take criticism and not feel attacked?

Unfortunately, I feel this question applies most to women...although I have met a few straight guys and a good chunk of gay men who could stand to ask themselves this question as well. I can remember this one example that illustrates my point. It was years ago, after the South Park movie had been released, that myself and my boyfriend at the time and a bunch of other couples were sitting in a living room wathcing South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. If you haven't seen it let's just say that this movie is offensive, to say the least. The movie is also hilarious. It mocks Music Theatre like only people who know Music Theatre can mock it and makes so many political points without ever becoming self-righteous. I loved it. The men in the room loved it. The other women, though, grew more and more agitated with every scene. Three quarters of the way through, when Sadam Hussein whips out his very large penis and harasses Satan, his lover, the women hit their wall. "Enough. This isn't funny. This is disgusting. I will not watch this," hissed these women, totally upset and immediately exiting. The boyfriends, of course, either completely ignored their girlfriend or went off after them, depending on the type of boyfriend they were. I simply rolled my eyes and snuggled in with my partner to continue laughing.

I mean, I got it. I could easily see why they might be offended. But I felt sorry for them. Frankly, I was more offended at watching Canada elect in Stephen Harper than I could ever be at a musical parody filled with swear words. I dunno. I will not state that there is a right time or a wrong time to be offended. I just thought I would provoke y'all to ask yourselves where you currently are and where you would like to be...

By no means do I call myself a saint of this topic. Hard to offend in almost every way, give me un-asked-for criticism and I have a melt down reminiscient of Brook Shields after that Tom Cruise interview. Lots to learn, as always, about my buttons.

But enough about that...

Heading into this week I ask for courage. Courage to do all I have to do to create a paying situation for myself, to face the parts of this new job that terrify me, to hold it together after rent comes out of my account on the 1st and I am left with $16.

Order: brave on the rocks. Me: hopin' to get wasted.

Nice Sweet Nuns

I think I have found a job.

That seems uncommitted, I know. Kinda like saying, Hi, I think my name is Krista. But with my history with jobs, I try not to count chickens until it is obvious that I am going to stay around long enough to hatch them.

The chicken I am referring to is assisting Cynthia and Is an amazing opportunity in so many ways. Right now, I am not sure that all the logistics will and can figure themselves out, although it does seem like, so far, it is flowing. The job is perfect in that I can use it to teach me all that I will need to know if and when I get licensed. It is flexible hours and well paying and challenging. There are also some terrifying aspects to it, like the phone work that goes along with the position. I hate calling people. Even people that have said they want more information and are relatively warm to the idea. But I don't want my fears to delegate my choices and I WANT to have the bravery to rock at this position.

For those of you who are new and are wondering WHO IS CYTHINA? and WHAT LICENSE? - Cynthia is my cousin and a Real Estate Investment Advisor and I will be taking my Real Estate Licensing exam this year. At some point. Or that, at least, is the theory. Thus, the assisting job being a good idea. Clear as mud? Thought so.

Cross your fingers for me that it continues to flow, I learn all the new stuff I gotta learn easily and with joy and that, when it comes time to using the phone, I will not wet my pants.

Ignore my blog title today...saw these three words together in the title of junk porn mail sitting in my inbox and it stuck.

The founder of Poz Radio (one of my new Finds located on the Home page and in the right hand columns of inside pages) came across my website today and emailed me! He also emailed me a link to his website and I wanted to link you to one of his songs, written for his father...

Click Here To Hear It

Off for free appies and beer with friends...Eric won a gift certificate at a Wilson's Steakhouse and Bar and it seems we will be reaping the benefits.

Resilience

You should see how things are unfolding for me right now. Or should I say, not unfolding?

I have had so few leads to any kind of work and the few that come along, that I create or pursue, end up being dead ends. I am hitting dead end after dead end after dead end. I am trying to be resilient and have faith that If I could see the bigger picture I would see that in a matter of moments I am going to turn a corner and walk straight into Something Wonderful. I am trying to have faith that the perfect job is unfolding for me as I type this...but 'trying to have faith' is about as good as having no faith at all.

What do I do? Oh, for someone to spring up out of the ground and give me the answers...to help me in some unforseen and angelic way. I am convinced that there must be an angle that I am not taking, something that I am missing...people say, brilliant resume, you must be overqualified for this position. Or, I can sense that you would be great in this position, but you don't have enough Education for us to make that decision. Or, I can use you, but I will pay you only a % of my increased revenue and if you don't produce, you starve. Or, here is a job, you will be doing my accounting, my reception, my administration, my marketing, my promotions, my customer service, my office management and my laundry...oh, and your starting wage will be a 'competitive' $12/hr! Perhaps I must come to terms with the fact that that is where I may need to start again. Meanwhile, I am feeding myself very little as to ration what little food we have -- oh, so, Angela's Ashes. I am succeeding so far at not allowing it to completely rule my mood and I DO feel like something has got to give at some point...but gawd this sucks.

Had that thought to start an Employment Ministry/Group/Thingy at the Centre. Seems a lot of people and not just me are looking for work or at least looking to upgrade their current work. That might be a good idea. Hmmmmmmm.

So, that is the word of the day, maybe the week. Resilence. I will not let this beat me. I will start making good money super soon and it will be fun and joyful and empowering.

I won't even let Mr. Harper's minority government make me blue.

I am going to go get something to eat.

Monday

I don't even have it in me to give my blog an interesting title. Another week. I feel darkness creeping in. Someone save me.

I just received a cool email from someone who stumbled across my webiste/blog by fluke and then mentioned me in HER blog...check out my cool review...

CLICK HERE TO SEE IT

You'll have to scroll down a bit in her blog to get to my mention. This may seem small to you, but I am grasping at any little piece of affirmation that I can find. Small blessings go a looong way. Thanks, Celeste.

Jordan told me last night that I don't communicate what I am going through very often to him. I see where he is coming from, but I am just not sure how healthy it is to say the same things over and over and over again. I have tried this year to protect my blog from becoming the same regurgitation of my fears, my lonliness, my frustration at feeling like I am not finding any answers, my panic at my growing debt. I know i must acknowledge that that isn't pretty, but If i steep in this yuckiness I may never end this cycle. Not sure how I can invite my partner into this without either drowning him or drowning myself.

At least I voted today. And I found my lost credit card. And I am eating really yummy, really hot soup right now while it rains and rains outside my window. And, despite its ups and downs, I love my partnership and I love my Jordan. So much. Life is good, something will give very soon. This week will change my life.

Etcetera, etcetera.

Chew Choo

When I first saw Jordan's baby picture I took one look at those pudgy arms and yelled CHEW! A new Konkin word was formed in that moment and now whenever I have a maternal craving or see a fat, adorable baby I simply say CHEW to sum up my newfound feelings for the wonderful world of The Baby.

In the year I turn 30 I think I can safely say that I am turning over a new leaf in regards to wanting children. I would be lying to say that in this moment I would be thrilled to find out I was pregnant...not at all. But suddenly these days I can see it as a possibility. With the right partner and at a time when we were ready, I can see peeing on a stick and being thrilled when it told me I was expecting. Ok, ok. I can ALMOST see it, but, hey...baby steps.

On the baby note...come pics of Baby Z...









I pray for some good news to befall me this week. To be given a second (third, fourth, fifth) chance to put my life in some order...financial at least. I am ready for a break. I am not sure how much more lonliness and isolation I can take sitting at home by myself, searching. I will continue to search but I need to do it somewhere other than this living room/office.

Election tomorrow. Paying bills and finding my lost credit card and applying a million more times. Trying not to think about my broken trunk lock and dropping off clothes at VV. Rain and reading and Real Estate preperation for a UBC tutorial, loving the knots, doing the dishes.

We start fresh, Baby Z, and go from there.

Harpoon the Harper

A blog that will sound like many other blogs. But I must say it. I must.

Please do not vote for Stephen Harper. Please. Please.

Vote for anybody else. Your grandmother. Puff Daddy. Even the scandalous Liberals. So they were crooks with our money. Not the first government to do so and not the last. At least they aren't Stephen Harper.

Mr. Harper does not believe in gay marriage. Or the female right for safe abortion. Or multiculturalism. Or, god forbid, Arts Funding. Mr. Harper will be our Mr. Bush is he is elected. OHMYGOD.

I don't wanna be American I don't wanna be American I don't wanna be American.

He will spend our money on National Defense. He will also give parents $1200 a year toward public daycare. (*cough cough*)

For one hundred dollars a month are we willing to sell our diverse, peace-loving, socialistic, AMAZING country to a government who secretly wishes we were more like our gun-totin', capitalistic southern neighbours?

Ug. Ug. Ug.

That being said, just vote, period. I am figuring out how important it is that the bohemian, artistic, homeosexual, environmental, gypsy, socially progressive souls get off their asses and Vote. Because if we don't, the only people voting will be those that are gonna put a big, fat check beside the Harpers of the world.

I choose to stand on guard.

Visit elections.ca to say goodbye to passivity.

Repeat After Me

Must stay positive, must stay positive, must stay...

Positive. Arg. There is so much I would like to say right now, so much I would like to vent, to dump, to blog, but I don't want to feed the thing that looms over my head. I want to let go of the story. Could be a good thing that I spend so much time alone. It gives me less chance to tell my story over and over again. I want happiness despite wether or not I can pay my rent. I want to enjoy my days off despite the fact that I am so over having days off. I refuse to blog my fears and thus give them wings to fly.

Now, I think this is mighty wise of me, but then again, I wonder how healthy it is to repress what emotions are cascading through me? Reason I say this is that this morning, when I woke up, I started to cough. I coughed and then thought "why am i coughing?!" The cold symptoms are knocking on my door and the only thing I can attribute to getting a cold is my inner stress load being repressed and needing to express itself somehow. Ok, ok, I know more than a few of you are rolllllllling your eyes and this thinking. You believe that you get colds becuase your immune system runs down and you succumb to a virus or other virilant creatures. I respect that thinking. But i know, with evidence of my own life, that when I am happy and balanced and peaceful, I don't get sick. When something is eating away at me - be it the need to succeed, the fear of failing, a bank account that will not cover my next month's expenses, a boyfriend who questions his love for me - my physical health can start to suffer. Anyway, I also refuse to get a cold.

So what positive stuff is happenning? I am savouring every inch of delightful yumminess from watching the L Word Season 2. It is soooo good and very sexy and all together escapism. What else? Ah, Eric and Jo and I might head up to Whistler this Saturday. The boys want to ski and I just want to see the place having lived here a year and a half and never yet going. I got to sleep in this morning? I dunno. I live in a free country and am aloud to vote. There.

Let's leave it at that, before I say something I'll regret.

Joy Hunt

Last night I was awash with the overwhelming urge to wipe my slate clean and start from scratch.

Have you ever wanted to do that? Just start fresh, make all new friends, start a totally different career and discard totally what and who you used to be? Hmm. Last night I had that dream. It stemmed from a feeling I have had since the beginning of this blog, a feeling that just won't go away. It is the realization that I no longer 'belong' anywhere. That which used to be my 'family' is no longer fitting and there is no new 'family' that presents itself as a means of identification. And as much as I would love to say that, at least, I 'belong' in my partnership and that we will become our own family, I no longer have that as a safety net, either.

I suppose what keeps me from wiping the slate clean is that I have no focused place in which to begin this new portrait of myself. I guess, until then, I will and must continue to hang out here in Limbo. Konkin on her Joy Hunt (I replaced the 'b' with a 'y' and feel that much more accurately describes what's going on here). It is probably good for me to be in this place of floating non-belong-ness. On some level I trust it is making me a better person.

I wonder if they are hiring in Nunuvut?

Burrrr-ba-rella

Two things to ponder here: why do couples talk to each other in baby voices? Oh, I know, I know, most of you right now are thinkin' "gawd, no...i would NEVER do something so totally nauseating"...but much like masterbation and picking our nose, I feel it safe to bet that more than a few of us do it. I had a friend back in Toronto who had a theory that the baby voices were a way of getting out of being vulnerable with the intimate things we communicate. It is much easier to get all mushy-moo and gurgle "your my mostest favoriteist hunny bunny in the whole world!" with your best voice-of-a-four-year-old than to look someone in the eye and tell them, straight up, as an adult, "I love you and I am incredibly lucky to have you in my life." Her theory ain't bad. All I know is that, baby voices or not, they gotta stay outta the sex life or you are doomed. Image a man all muscles and abs looking down at you in the heat of the moment and cooing "you're my lubber dubber sexy-poo-poo...". Ya, you get my drift.

Second thing is a question that I suppose I could ask on my Konkin Questions, but I will observe here first. What words push your buttons? I noticed today the word "church" and "God" and "like-mindedness" throw someone into a place of distrust and defense and total frustration. Then I watched as the word "money" was added to the mix with the words mentioned above and even MY buttons were pushed. I know the words "wedding" and "babies" push some kind of fear button in my boyfriend and I have watched many people squirm at vulgarity, which I suppose is less surprising. What do we attach to "divorce" or "partner"? Ever notice that a word is just a word and that there as many interpretations of that word as there are people?

Ok, I guess there is a third thing to talk about. I dislike secrecy. I would think that is obvious from reading my blogs and how I talk about my private life pretty openly. Don't ever be fooled. What is most privately mine will never be blogged, not because I need to keep it a secret, but because it is a reality that is indescribably my own and beyond trying to explain to anyone. You want to keep a secret, I say you are giving that thing power. I don't choose that. I live out loud. It isn't for everybody and that is cool. I do know that things I have had the guts to talk about when nobody else would have helped a few people feel a lot less like freaks when they realized they weren't the only ones going through x, y or z. Ask me anything. To the best of my ability I will tell you. Put it all out on the line.

Wadda ya got to lose?

Grass is Always Greener When There is This Much Rain

Dragged myself outta bed this morning to drive Jordan to work because I feel awful that he has to bike/bus in the rain. Groggy eyed and a block away from the apartment I almost a) killed a squirrel and then subsequently b) killed a biker. Immediately I thought - stupid squirrels - followed by - stupid biker. Then I thought - oh no, it is going to be one of those kind of days.

Thing is I know that I should squeeze every drop of enjoyment I can possibly get from how my life is right Now. It won't stay this way much longer. Yesterday I sat curled up on my couch, rain pouring down outside, fleece blanket wrapped around my body and I read. I realize that there were thousands of people yesterday getting lectured by an incompetent boss or yelled at by an irate customer or bored to death in a beige cubicle that would have killed to be at home, curled up, reading. I don't want to be a grass-is-always-greener type girl.

It is about the balance. Too much vacation makes vacation less novel. Too much work that you dread sucks your soul from your chest. Balance. Jo had a great idea while brushing his teeth last night before bed. "What if me and you could trade off. You could go to work and I could stay home until both of us needed a change and then I could go to work and you could stay home. It would be PURRRFECT!" I must say, it would be. Purrrrfect that is.

Have created one thing - the new CSL Vancouver online store filled with merchandise! Fun. There is also the Team Spiritual Mind Treatment series of T-Shirts designed by JoDesign, produced by Jordan. They are fun and even kinda controversial. Not alot of people are comfortable yet calling themselves God. Heehee. Check it out:

CSL Vancouver Online Store

Everyone send job and money energy my way. I will be here. Catching the love you're sending.

I will leave you with some quotes from kids under the age of 8 that are more telling than they first appear. May their advice guide you today:

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size."

"Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand."

Randomlings

First off, welcome to the world Ezra Nathan LaFrance. May your stay here have clarity above and beyond human sight and may you be taught that 'normal' is to follow your heart.

Second, blessed be your happiness, Sonia Bee. For you (and all my divorced friends) I celebrate the mind-blowing sex that you are finally having and hope that you will continue to heal the wounds of your own life so that you need not carry them with you onto your next love adventure. It was so good to talk to you! Many moments I mourn the loss of the community I left behind when I said goodbye to Toronto.

On the Toronto note, the rain here in Vancouver is unstoppable. It has rained more than I ever thought humanly possible - day after day after day after day. My house plants are dying from lack of sunlight I believe. It is an even greater feat to stay upbeat and chipper in this weather. I try to remind myself that it is still worth it to be able to wear only a fleece out in the month of January, but holy shmoly, the rain.

For anyone wondering what is up with my relationship - Jordan is still here, we are still planning on going to councelling and, oddly enough, we are quite happy. That being said, I am perfectly aware at what the true scoop is on this partnership and am no longer deluded about our future. I also know that at any moment, he could leave. To be fair, I suppose it is true that at any moment I could also leave. Basically, I am seeing the relationship for what it is, accepting it for what it is and expecting nothing. Not easy, but very freeing. Councelling should be interesting. Should make for some interesting blogs.

Job hunting continues. Enough said about that.

I long for a good book. Something that might uplift and inspire me. Perhaps my next Konkin Question will be a plea for good book requests...any suggestions welcome.

Wanting to teach this year. Somehow, in some capacity. I see more and more clearly how naturally directing, leading, facilitating and teaching come to me. I wonder about applying again for the Saskatchewan Arts tour, or figuring out a way to get tap classes up and running or ... something. I put it out into the universe. Passing on what I know. Teaching. Go.

What else? Applying currently for Emily Carr. Still unsure about the enormity of what that commitment would entail. Ummmm, the Body Shop Coconut Body Scrub is a big disappointment, but the Body Butter rocks. The lock on my trunk is officially shot and will not allow me access. I like my hair short. A good set of underwear can really set the tone for the day. Saw Beauty and the Beast and was swept away like a little girl again enjoying Music Theatre which felt awesome. Dating 101 is in the hands of the entertainment lawyers and, despite what people say, I like brussel sprouts. Toyed with the idea of moving to Calgary when it looked like Jo might be taking off. I could live with Lee, be closer to family, not pay PST. Thing is, I really don't like Alberta. Alberta has the energy of a scrappy little bully on the playground. Still, options are good.

Life is good.

It's allllll good.

Good?

Good.

My Elph

We got it! We got it!

It looks like a camera, but really it is going to be sooooo much more.

Told you Christmas is a good thing.

Thank you Gary Pops and Jude Dahhhhhling.

Cinderella Man

I have been feeling really positive lately. Something in Moose Jaw sorta clicked in me and since then I have been feeling happy and hopeful. Yes, even in light of recent developments with Jordan and even though I still am job hunting and even though I still have no answer to what my new life direction might be...I feel blessed and safe and like it is somehow going to all work itself out and I am going to be ok.

Feeling this way, I have been wondering what was the thing that inspired the change. I have been re-reading Wayne Dyer's book Power of Intention and his words definitly vibrate at a very high frequency. But I knew it was something else. Then it occurred to me. I suddenly knew what the moment was that made me want to be a better, more positive person.

Cinderella Man. We rented it in Moose Jaw and I was just so sucked into it. The marriage in that movie was inspiring, but it was the way they both faced such awful awful circumstances and stayed so in love and so in faith and didn't moan and gripe about it or make it some national drama. They were scared, sure, but they held on, day after day and just kept being kind and they did what they had to do. It was miraculous. As I watch circumstances completely dictate my mood for the day, the week, the month, as I watch couples divorcing as fast as they are marrying, as I watch all of this...I want to choose something different. I want to be happy no matter HOW much sucks in my circumstance.

Listened to Kathianne Lewis speak in Seattle and she spoke of not only creating New Year's Resolutions, but a Yearly Theme. This helps you figure out not just want you want to accomplish, but how you want to live your life while you are accomplishing. It was writing my Newsletter that I just sent out to everyone that my Theme presented itself...

OPTIMISM IN THE FACE OF IT ALL.

This way I won't have to wait for all my ducks to be in a row before I can be happy. This way I can throw hope and positive expectation in front of the stuff that drags me down - like a dwindling bank account or a boyfriend who is unclear. This is my intention. We will see how I do.

Must clean the house now. My turn to do the bathroom.

Does 'it all' include toliets?

An Angel Named Sue

Coolest thing happenned this morning. I will try to make it short.

I had a conversation this morning with a woman named Sue. She is the owner of a company to which I applied. She called me specifically to say that she needed someone with a Psychology degree and couldn't consider me for the position. But then she said she wanted to talk to me about my job hunt. I told her the methods I was using to conduct my search and we talked about my resume and how excellent it is. She kept giving me suggestions for places I could look and resources I could use and at the end told me that she had no doubt that I was going to find a position that would make me very happy. She then told me to call or email her anytime if I was looking for any advice or support that I thought she could give. It was surreal. I thanked her and got off the phone and was sort of flabergasted.

A messenger to boost my faith. An angel. A woman helping a woman in the world of business. A stranger helping a stranger for no real reason but that she could. Coolest of the cool. Now THAT is the kind of person I would want to work for and be mentored by...too bad it wasn't a job offer. Ah well, the search continues.

I look forward to this job I am going to start and love and grow with and learn from ... that will nurture what I am truly best at at and support my own endevours. I look forward to making lots of money again and waking up in the morning with somewhere I can go and make a signifigant contribution to the world. I look forward and I shosholoza.

Thank you, Sue.

Yoga and Dating 101

I just did Yoga for the first time in years. Why, you ask? My friend Jackie sent Jo and I a Christmas gift via mail. It was a DVD/Book of the Basic Yoga poses. My first reaction was to hand it to Jordan and say - this is more for you than it is for me - as he is a big Yoga nut. But this morning I woke up and it was the first thing I saw and I suddenly thought - what if it isn't for Jordan? What if it is for me? No accidents, right? So....

I popped it in my DVD player and did the Yoga. It felt good to stretch and, more than anything, it deeply relaxed me. It is 10am and I think I now need to go back to sleep. *Yawn*. Not thinking that Yoga is going to be the way to rev me up for my day, but I think my body has missed me. As a dancer all my life, it has probably put my body into slight shock, becoming so inert. Yes, it was good to move. I chose something different. Will I do it again? Yoga, that is. I put no expectations on it. It is possible. Maybe next time not so early in the morning.

Another strange and wonderful surprise. To sum up a very long story, my cousin Leanne and a counterpart Christine Hart have spent 2005 putting together a reality TV series proposal called Dating 101. Christine is the owner of 6 Minute Dates in Calgary, providing Dating services and coaching. The show concept is based on a team of 3 women that would help one hopeless chap with bad dating karma. Well, without me knowing, Christine decided she would be the Dating Consultant on the show, Leanne would be the Image Consultant and I would be the Interior Design Consultant. The first time I heard about any of this was during the holidays in Moose Jaw. Leanne called me and said - ummm, I am going to need a bio...we have included you in a TV series proposal and Christine has a meeting with a very big Canadian producer in Toronto in a few days. !!??@!! Needless to say, I sent my bio.

The cool part comes yesterday when Christine emails Leanne and I and says...

GOOD NEWS!

They love it and see that it has a lot of potential. They have an entire production team in Calgary already to start shooting so they've asked us to put together an agreement before any more work is done. I'll fill you in on the details via phone when I get back but things look good. The ball is entirely in our court now so the faster we can draft an agreement (outlining what we'd like, roughly) and get it off to them, the better. I have standard formats to follow as a starting point.

Talk to you soon!

Leanne called me last night and was kind of speechless. I mean, It could still amount to nothing, but It could also amount to something and, to me, it all seems very surreal as I didn't directly have anything to do with any of it. Ease, joy and grace, baby. I must have Something, Somewhere working for me. Affirm, Manifest, Repeat.

Neato burrito.

Click

This holiday Jen and I were talking about going around in circles, bumping into the same problems time and time again. Jen had good advice. She said if you keep coming up against the same thing, CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Ya gotta change the behavior to change the outcome. 2006 may need to be a big experiment in seeing if that might change some of the ruts I have fallen into.

Sadly, one of the ruts that I am facing involves my realtionship. It isn't actually my rut, not really, but Jordan's...and yet, when you are as woven into each other's life as we are, his rut is my rut whether I like it or not. Unfortunately, Jordan's rut involves his desire to be in this relationship and, even though I don't want to lose him, it looks like there may be no stopping his departure. I think this may be shocking for some of you to read. I know so many people in my life consider Jo and I to be a very strong and in love couple. It isn't that we aren't...but for Jordan, something isn't 'clicking'...and as for me, I am exhausted waiting for him to wake up one day and feel the same way I do. There is talk of couple's councelling, everyone's last ditch resort to saving a partnership. Perhaps that will work. Perhaps it will not. All I can do is sit back and watch this unfold with as much strength and grace as possible. I will keep you updated.

I must find a job to get myself out of debt. I realize that this is just the reality and am feeling a shift inside of me that is through whining about it and is ready to just do what needs to be done. I am Somersizing again, as best I can, so I can get back on top of my eating habits. I am also going to perservere with the Real Estate course. I swear to God, sometimes it is as interesting as watching paint dry, but I would like to complete it. 2005 saw me not completing much at all and I intend for this year to be different...a slight improvement if nothing else.

Good to be home. I think 2006 is going to be a very BIG year for me. Last year I cocooned. This year I am emerging. There may need to be goodbyes, but I will have faith that they will at least leave room for the hellos. With a different kind of saddness in my heart, I feel optimistic about the next 12 months.

That is where I am at. Off now to change the oil and pick up a parcel and unpack my bags. I hope all of my readers are willing to CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

If not, that is cool, too. You are loved by me, regardless.

2006 The Konkin Cosmology

Give up. There is no where to get to.

God is Love. Sure. But God is also ALL THERE IS and so
God is also the absence of Love. To me this means - when you’re grumpy, don’t judge it. Be Grumpy. It’s Okay. It’s God, too.

Do less. Doing less can be scary and seemingly impossible in our busy lives.
So practice. Practice accomplishing nothing.
Observe what comes up.

Avoid should-ing on yourself.

Wait.

Question everything.

If you can dream it, then God wants it for you.
God is you.

Fall in love. Over and over and over again. It keeps you young and gives you faith.

Take naps.

Be flexible.

Choose fun as a criteria for everything.

Freedom, real freedom, comes from not wanting anything other than what’s in front of you.

Curiousity is sexy.

Quit apologizing for being spectacular.

Make your home your sanctuary and laughter your ministry.

Sing.
Dance.
Sing some more.

Give up. There is nowhere to get to.

Write your own Bible.